Emotional abuse can be a very difficult to identify, especially because it often comes from those who are close to us. If you often feel upset, numb, confused, or angry after interacting with a loved one, you may be experiencing emotional abuse.
If you were not emotionally invested in this person, it wouldn’t hurt. Often times victims of emotional abuse struggle to identify what is going on because their love and hopes blind them. When the abuse occurs, it clashes with the victim’s idealized perception of their loved one.
One part of them may want to stand up for themselves, while the other side of them justifies their harmful loved one’s actions and blames themselves instead. If you are unsure of whether or not you are experiencing emotional abuse, this list can help.
- Can you be yourself around this person? A common sign of emotional abuse is the need to walk on eggshells around the emotionally abusive person. They often achieve this by making you feel guilty for your own personality traits or normal desires to express yourself and have connections with others. If you need to shut down or change yourself to appease the person in question, it is a sign that you may be in an emotionally abusive situation.
- Does this person show empathy when they’ve emotionally hurt you? In all relationships, disappointment and hurt feelings are at times inevitable. However, when someone hurts you, it is very important that they are able to recognize what went wrong, apologize for it, and show signs of care when they see you hurting. If you find that the person is unaffected by your pain, it is a sign of emotional abuse.
- Is compromise possible? A very important component to healthy relationships is the ability to compromise. When both of your mindsets are at odds, are they able to prioritize your wants and needs, or is everything always about them? If you find that you are the only making compromises to keep the peace, you may be experiencing emotional abuse.
What To Do If You’re Experiencing Emotional Abuse
If you are experiencing emotional abuse, it is important to take steps to protect your well-being. In many cases, distancing from the emotionally abusive person will be an important first step towards healing. From there, the steps can differ based on your circumstances.
1. Distance yourself.
If you live with the emotionally abusive person, is it feasible for you to move out? If yes, you can make arrangements accordingly. Implementing distance can help you to separate yourself from the abusive behavior and will help you to start navigating the relationship on terms that are fair to you.
If you are unable to move out right away, do what you can to give yourself options. In the meantime, try to create emotional distance. If the emotionally abusive person tries to pull you into conflict by provoking you, intentionally refuse to take the bait.
If you do not live with the emotionally abusive person, limit contact. If the emotionally abusive person tries to hurt you over the phone or during a social outing, give yourself the option to leave or end the call. It is very important that you aren’t in a position to be forced to be around them.
2. Embrace your independence.
A key element of emotional abuse is that the abuser attempts to make you feel that you must accept or be around their behavior. They may make you feel like they are in control. It is important that you see yourself as an equal and as an independent person.
Take control of your own thoughts, feelings, and decisions. Refuse to let them bully you into accepting their disrespect.
3. Create boundaries.
If you would like any level of relationship with the emotionally abusive person, understand that rules and consequences need to be in place for breaking those rules. If you state that it is not acceptable to insult you, you must stand true to that standard.
If the emotionally abusive person insults you anyways, don’t take the bait. Separate yourself from the scenario. Only interact when you feel up for it, and if disrespect occurs, show that you are unwilling to entertain it.
4. Accept that you cannot change them.
You will notice these steps are all about you, versus about ways you can change them, and that is by design. Look at the pattern and understand that the emotionally abusive person has already shown you what relationships look like to them.
You cannot force an unhealthy person to be healthy, even if it would be good for them. If you try, you will get dragged into a cycle of drama and pain. It is not your place to reprogram their mind, but it is your responsibility to take care of your own mental well being.
Accept the truth they have shown you, and do what is best for yourself moving forward. You do not owe anyone your dignity.
How To Recover From Emotional Abuse
Recovering from emotional abuse can be a complex process. Emotional abuse comes from those we are emotionally invested in. Love is supposed to be a place that creates safety. When it instead becomes a source of harm, it can create deep emotional damage that can result in long term struggles with trust. It’s important to remain in touch with your emotions, and if needed, process this with a professional in a therapeutic setting. You deserve love, support, and emotional health.